Vital signs

The body is very important to understand. There is no need to worry about, consciously so to say. Self-image and self-consciousness is something entirely different than consciously understanding, feeling, and knowing your body. With self-image/self-consciousness we worry about how we appear to the world, not how the world appears to us, so in this sense when will we ever be satisfied if we are chasing what everyone else is chasing... and who knows what that is? Yes, the rest of the world is very important to keep in mind, yet there is no logical reason to follow the fashion, the glamour, the technology, the status quo in general. Consciously feeling the feelings in your body, all throughout, in every part of your body that you can feel will allow you know your body more. Many people live within the physical body, again, meaning they are so concerned with how they will appear to the world that because they are so concerned with that mindset that to do something opposite of what society has deemed "safe" "normal" "regular" or any procedure or decision that many don't take, many will simply not do, lest they are looked at as "crazy!" "insane!". What is it that holds us back from taking the next step? The ego. Ego, will not let us go but by the same token, we do not let go of it, it is comforting to us to have that ego feeling. Our egos make us feel as if change is not necessary within us, then again much of our ego is rooted at our past. One example of how ego was rooted in me was during my teenage years. I remember planning out my life after college, while I was in high school, go figure. My uncle had and still has a successful limousine business which he always optimistically hoped I would take over. I thought to myself: "I got it all set: go to college, have a good time and get my degree, start working for my uncle and one day run the business and I'll have the things I want", not exactly in that way did I think about it but that's very much how I thought about things. Fortunately, I gradually began seeing things differently, I began suffering from depression. For a year or so, I visited with a social worker (counselor). I had much of the ego come out during that time. In one of our last sessions I saw, heard, and felt the changes in me, we both mutually agreed the sessions would soon terminate. Now, this all funny enough ties into what I recently shared at my last meditation class. After sharing a beautiful moment in space, my mentor asked how we all felt after meditating, a few shared, out of nowhere I spoke: "I feel as though every time I come here, which has been since February/March I leave a phase. I come into a new phase of who I am. I leave the who I was for the who I am. All of these phases have brought me: #1. Closer to me listening to my heart which directs my in every way and #2. Have brought about my voice, my confidence, my trust for myself, and solidified the decisions I make." And I also shared how the timing was perfect. I almost feel as though my sails have been set high, by the wind, and now the wind has directed my next step because it knows where my heart wants to go. When my nine months came up, I needed to come out of my mom's belly. Soon, I found myself in the world, where if not conscious of the world and all of it's powers we can lose our own power for many things and never come out of the bubble we have built for ourselves to defend ourselves. As I am now only a week away from leaving to Maui, Hawaii I know myself a little better than I did before. There are so many signs for me to know that Maui is where I belong now, or better yet, that I am ready to move on, out of this phase into a new one. To me, staying in one place makes people lose the luster for that place or even the meaning that people in that place present. When I go home now, #1 I don't have a Facebook, so to piggyback off of what my friend Griffin, I can share recent news with family and friends in real life, not through a fucking computer screen! And also, #2 I can also appreciate and feel the love from my family and I sure know they feel it from me too. Who knows how I will keep evolving and as I like to put it, keep going through phases, but what joy or fun would there be in life if we knew what was going to happen in our future? If things really worked out the way we planned them to be, well in certain cases the world would cease to exist but we work with what the world gives us and make the best of it.