10 years later: I I

It happens around this time of the year. The weather begins cooling down just a little bit. My days get a little shorter. The cool morning air meets just the right criteria for my mind to connect with nostalgia and so begins this two week long date. As it has happened for the last 10 years, with exceptions in between. The late August breeze brings with it an emotional state that only recently did I become aware of because the breeze didn't just blow through, it tends to stick around and create a little whirlpool around me of emotions, memories, and research.
I can still remember the ingredients of that fateful morning. A late-morning wake-up for me as I did not attend school on September 11, 2001. This morning began with a tune-in to the morning news shortly after 8:00 am. The apartment windows were open, the sun was out, the day seemed to be just another one were my High School attendance problem was the biggest one I had for that day. I soon settled onto the sofa, switched over to MTV for a few music videos (these still exist nowadays I hear). I still vividly remember having a hunch as to saying "Turn to the news right now. You won't believe this". This was that moment many of us were not sure what to make of. For me, seeing one of the Twin Towers on fire and living in New York City, this was something the Fire Department would have under control within the day. Nevertheless, I thought "Years from now not many people are going to remember this incident. The tower will be fixed almost as if nothing happened to it and many people will forget this plane incident even happened." I sat there listening, watching, and becoming sensitive to the news of people jumping to their deaths from the burning tower.
This was major news to report to my family but alas no one was home at this time of the day. My sisters were in school, my Mother, who usually stays at home, on this morning had a special medical appointment, and my Father, I had an idea were he could be at this time of day, he could be as close to this accident as so many others, he could be inside the towers. It was not long until I reached my Father and was assured he only heard the accident from where he was which was only a mile or two away from the World Trade Center. Before long, this accident would be known as an attack.
It was soon after talking to my Mother that the second plane hit. Now I was not able to use the phone line as it was out of service and when it had service all I got was a busy tone. The day began rolling along, a big change of pace hit New Yorkers and America for that matter, this was a state of desperation, of anxiety, of fear, of pain. Phone communication was down but my prayers were going out in any case. I still remember that moment where I knelled down and used the faith I had as a young teenager, this moment was unlike any other and filled with a lot of uncertainty. It wasn't long until my Mother and I somehow were able to get transportation and pick up my sisters from school. Car accidents were happening almost left and right on our way back home on the bus. After we arrived home, it was a matter of hope and faith that my Father would soon arrive. Much, much earlier than usual my Father arrived, a little panicked and shaken up by what he was witness to while in the vicinity of the area.
This story is much like the hundreds or thousands of others. Families losing their loved ones, friends losing friends, authorities being lost in this pandemonium. And my story is just like theirs. It gives me chills to think of the similar stories I share with so many others around this day. For me, it was a family member whom was lost in the World Trade Center. A friend of my Father's, Juan Armando Ceballos, is actually one of the reasons I am here, alive, writing this. Juan welcomed my Father to his apartment in Queens when my Father had no other place to go in Chile.
My Father and I are communicating now. We've almost always had communication but only now are we able to reconnect on a deeper level. From what I remember my Father sharing with me shortly after Juan was listed as missing in the World Trade Center attack, he was friends with Juan in Chile. Juan moved to the U.S. and reported back to his fellow comrades that he was enjoying life and invited those looking for a better life abroad. Soon it was my Father's turn.
Sometime in the early 2000s, as my Father and I drove through Queens, he pointed out the building in which the apartment he shared with Juan. If I were to drive around Queens I could point out the building from memory. I kept that memory to help me piece together part of why I am here, to help me remember with gratitude those pieces, the people that supported and helped me be created. In a position like this, this memory would be one to cherish for the rest of my life.
This past week I was pulled away from my work, I was really pulled away from my work. I eerily moved to my computer and began researching. This, I became aware, was a trend I have been active with for the past 9-10 years most likely since 9/11. I Googled '9/11 research', 'New information about World Trade Center, I moved to Youtube and looked up videos related to the attack. As I went from video to video, I looked at the time, I was removed from my work for what was now a little over an hour.
It occurred to me to step away from this moment and step into myself. I began seeking my emotions. I realized there was some pain, sadness, and confusion. I really wanted to know more about the attack, about how this could have happened. I realized that for all the years I did this, I was not satisfied with the information I had about the attack. I wanted to get clearer, I wanted to be more comfortable with more information. And now, I have that power. Now I realize I have the power to have all of this and more and not unconsciously go and keep searching for something I had no idea I was going after.
Beyond this, there is also a sense of closure, recognition, and gratitude that I still have not experienced. The lack of having any of this pulls me to obsessively need to keep looking for something.
Two weeks before 9/11 I delivered to the World Trade Center. I was on some floor in one of the towers. Pre-9/11 my Father and I would deliver packages to the area around the World Trade Center without issues. I have not visited the ground zero area since 9/11. I have at times purposely stayed away from the area.
This year is different. At the ten year mark, I intend on changing this pattern. I will be at ground zero for the first time in 10 years. I hope to pay my respects and bring a sense of closure to the magnitude of pain that comes to me around this time of year. With Love,

Are you asking? The questions that drive us

I have questioned many things during my lifetime, however, the biggest question that I have found not only I but many others have or don't have is that epitome of a question, "Who am I?" or even "What am I here for?" These questions can either propel us towards a life of fulfillment or a life of confusion, anger, and frustration, unmet needs,and blame. Our question can be a source of motivation, happiness, inspiration, and drive, especially if we ask the question in the right way. The way our question is designed is the blueprint to either a strong foundation or the makings of a fall.
The world many us live in and have grown up in however, does not help us in discovering our question and creating it so we can answer it with a passion. The question that usually comes up for us is something along the lines of "Why must this happen to me?" "How worse can this get?" or "Why am I so stupid?" Our mind is trained to answer questions. Whenever a question is posed, we do our best to answer as best we can. Imagine the answers to question like the ones above. I can imagine, in retrospect, you may be thinking "Wow, I've asked myself these questions before" but furthermore than that are the answers you may be giving yourself.
When you are asked basic personal questions such as your name, age, address, and occupation, you can easily answer these questions without trouble. Even other questions of certain things you value, can easily be answered like what kind of flavor ice cream you enjoy, what your favorite color may be, even your favorite piece of clothing may all be questions that you have answers for and you have found these answers because of your experience with them and now your preference. Yet, we can address so many questions relating to us but the most fundamentals questions of our character, our mission in life, our reasoning of why we do what we do, many of us do not have the answer to those things yet and I strongly believe that we don't have answers because we don't even have the question.
How do we figure out what we're doing today? What we're going to do? What we've done? What answers can we come up with to the things we do on a daily basis? If we wanted to be very technical and basic we would easily answer each question and connect our reasoning for why we did what we did to something like our job, our family, our friends. In other words, we do what we do, at least many of us, because we have to please and accommodate those people, places, and things. And, what happens if we don't? What happens when we don't follow through? What would happen if we didn't follow through? Who is going to be disappointed? Who is going to care less about you? Would you be disappointed in yourself? I see so many people going through their to-do lists, putting a lot of care and love into a lot of people and things, but yet they're doing so much so many others that they rarely see what they want, who they want to see happy, what they would really like to do? Think about it. Do you really want to go to work? Do you really want to go shopping for food? Do you even want to live in the state, country, or house that you're living in?
As one of my long-time teachers says "Life will give you exactly what you ask of it" As The Bible says "Ask, and you shall receive" I go back to the answers we already have. The answers about certain things we value. As you see, through experience, with trial and error, you found out that maybe you liked one ice cream flavor over the other, over time you learned that what you really value in a person is honesty more than adventure, you might have even learned that walking at night might be safer than talking the subway or bus (especially in certain parts of New York City). But, have you found out what your ultimate calling in life is for? Have you found out why you wake up in the morning? Are you doing things our of fear? Fear that without doing certain things you might be looked at as less than you would like, that without following through you might lose something you value in your life, like friends, family, a relationship? What if the your real reason for living might be to give to the best of your ability to your loved ones? What if your answer to why you wake up in the morning is because you want to grow and learn about other people, about yourself. What if your reasoning for why you do anything is because you live with a passion for life, a fire within you that instinctively takes every step with a directed course towards fulfilling a small, yet big part in the world.
If there is anything more important I have learned in my life, they are the questions I ask myself. There is a big difference in the quality of question from "Why does there always have to be a problem?" and "How many ways can we come up with to find something that works for both us so that we can have some organization around the house?" is there not? So, take with you as you move forward towards that larger calling you have in life, the questions that haven't worked too well for you and use them as fuel for what lies behind them. Ask yourself "What am I really looking for and wanting out of this situation?" especially in reference to previous questions. "Am I looking for progress? Am I looking for clarity and communication?" Stray away from the other person. When we begin fearing what someone else is looking for or even their fear, when we live with the fear of the answer we may receive, even the answer from ourselves we begin losing the courage to ever find our deep calling in life. What you can bring to the world with your answer is exactly why asking questions is so important. You can have an answer but if it's not fulfilling, not up to what you really want in life, it's not answer coming from you. It may be coming from your fears, from what you think others are expecting you to say.
Finally, why is this question thing so important? Tony Robbins tells of his story when he was walking around Boston after just having completed a seminar. As he is walking around the park, a homeless man comes up to Tony. He asks Tony "Hey mister, do you have a quarter to share?" Tony pulls out his roll of cash. As Tony explains as well, his mentor, Jim Rohn, taught Tony to keep his big bills on the outside of his roll of cash for various motivating reasons. So Tony pulls out his money. He made it a point to have the homeless man be aware of his money. He then asks the man "That's all you want, one quarter?" to which the homeless man replies "Yup, one quarter that's all I need" Tony pulls out the quarter and as he places it in the homeless man's hand he says "Life will pay you exactly what you ask of it" The homeless man looks at the quarter, he looks back at Tony, looks back at the quarter, looks back at Tony and says "You're weird" So, I ask you, have you found your calling? Have you found your reasoning for what you do? Why do you do what you do? Is it because you want to contribute in the best way possible to the world? Is it because you want to grow to be better than the person you are or were? Why are here? Where do you want to go? Who do you want to be? How much do you want to give? How much do you want to receive? Your answers to these questions help fill the mystery that life may be to you right now but you're way ahead of many others who don't even know there are pieces to the puzzle, there are ways to win this game of life. Keep asking and your answers might surprise you.

Warped back to the future

Talk about deja vu. This year's line-up for the Vans Warped Tour featured some old-school and new-school artists. Make no mistake, by old-school, some of these bands go back 15+ years (New Found Glory) and by new-school we're talking about bands like Breathe Carolina, whose fame caught mainstream attention only a couple of years ago. Yet, this year's Warped Tour could have been the pinnacle of the tour for a fan like myself. This year's line-up featured bands from my first couple of years attending the Warped Tour (2002, 2003), Yellowcard, Taking Back Sunday, New Found Glory, Senses Fail, Patent Pending, and Vinnie Caruana whose old band, The Movielife played a Warped Tour set back in the day. As well, some of the other bands I was pumped to see included: Four Year Strong, All Time Low, Mayday Parade, Piece The Veil, Every Time I Die, among many others. My excitement for the line-up could be seen through Facebook status updates, heard through my voice as I sang some of my favorite songs (albums in this case), and by the earliest arrival I have made to Warped Tour since 2002, my first year of going to the show. This year's line-up carried headlining acts from beginning to end, thus giving me so much ease (I was able to see a ton of my favorite bands in one day!). My only concern for the day was if Warped Tour would schedule bands I wanted to see at the same time slot but nothing could break my optimism for this day. Now, I was only moments away from beginning what would be a memorable and exciting day.
I could definitely go through and describe with a quick review all of the bands that I saw but I want to keep this short and simple so here are some highlights.

Yellowcard has not missed a beat since I last saw them about 10 years ago. Wonderful set all around. Old favorites of mine like "Only One" and "Ocean Avenue" made me feel very jubilant. This was the same band they were a decade ago, except with new songs and a little bit of a line-up change. In any case, a great way to start the day.

Next up: Senses Fail. Senses Fail has gone through various line-up changes. At this point only Buddy and and Dan are the only original members. Maybe it's the line-up changes, maybe it's time passing, Senses Fail doesn't seem to have the drive and energy from when I saw them 8 years ago. Mind you, Buddy is the same age as me and can and has played wonderful shows but Senses Fail's loud screams are not as loud, Buddy's onstage presence has succumbed to something between break dancing and jogging, and the popular question seems to be "Do they have the guy from Midtown playing with them?" and no, they don't anymore. I wasn't too impressed with one of the few good bands from New Jersey this time around.

And now, for Massachusetts' pride and honor: Four Year Strong. When Four Year Strong is playing you can be sure that if you are anywhere near the stage you will either be pushed, punched, or shoved, this because of the various mosh pits, crowd surfers, or people jumping at the catchy choruses or pre-choruses, yes that is how poppy Four Year Strong can get. I am almost always mixed between feeling energetic and concerned. This Warped Tour set brought those two feelings not only to me but possibly many others. Three songs into their set, a fan apparently was injured and the band was left to play one more song. With circle pits and mosh pits, someone may just get hurt during a Four Year Strong set. In the end, Four Year Strong mixed in songs from their three albums, all of which made their set just another wonderful show. The highlight of this set, for me, was crowd-surfing during Heroes get remembered, legends never die. I was ecstatic as I was held above fans, singing my favorite line: "Sorry about the mess, but when we team up, team up. We always seem to bring this place to the ground" after this however, the crowd went insane and I was grabbed by security and safely placed down... how my back wishes that were true.

And now for Long Island's own: Patent Pending. What else can Patent Pending do to solidify a year in which they played for 12 million people at the Billboard awards? Easy, keep playing like you're competing to play in front of millions over and over again. Since I last saw Patent Pending at the New Jersey Bamboozle festival in 2008, they have yet to have a  dull set. And how do you finish an awesome set in your hometown? With confetti shooting high and far! I am very happy to see the growth and progress of Patent Pending and their set has yet to disappoint me.

I thought I was having a pretty good day, I had no idea what I was in store for, here, up next for me was Pierce The Veil. I will only say this about Pierce The Veil's set, if you have not seen a show this year or have yet to see a really good show, please do yourself a favor and go see Pierce The Veil. I'm not sure where Pierce The Veil goes from here, but this set, by far, was the best set I saw the whole day. I am still in awe over the electrifying performance they gave. This set goes on my list as one of the top 10 of all-time.

Moving on, one of everyone's favorite: New Found Glory. A Warped Tour regular, New Found Glory had every punk fan singing when they played a cover of Green Day's "Basket Case". Overall, New Found Glory has not lost anything in their 15 years as a band and if anything they have added so much more including, derived a lot more from their side-pseudo-band, the International Superheroes of Hardcore, their yelling and even faster-paced songs has really brought some new found music to the band. New Found Glory has already announced plans for their 10 year anniversary tour to commemorate Sticks and Stones and their set at Warped Tour solidified my plans of attending their anniversary show.

Down to the last three. Who loves talking about farts and sex, at the same time? All Time Low. These guys lost my interest a while back when they began introducing a lot more electronic parts to their music. I tend to think about All Time Low as another band inspired a lot by Blink-182, and such I hoped All Time Low would keep their sound similar to Blink-182. Although I'm pushing to like them, their set, especially the fun I had with Jack during the set, really inspired me and opened me yet again to really have some patience for this quartet from Maryland. If you can keep jumping and singing along, All Time Low will have you entertained for hours on end, in this case however it was more like half an hour.

Ever have your heart broken or wanted to sing out your revenge for someone? Mayday Parade's lyrics are just about that and nothing else. This Florida five piece have been able to make heartbreak sound like something I want to go through again just so that I can put into words and have hundreds of people singing to it. Unlike most of the other bands I saw, the crowd for Mayday Parade was not opening up mosh pits or jumping as much. No, Mayday Parade's set was mainly focused on wonderful musicianship and sing-alongs. As wary as I was for this band, (the last show I saw of them was somewhat disappointed because they did not sound too well) they delivered very well on all aspects. Guitar solos are a big part of Mayday Parade songs and they were played as if Slash was on the guitar. Being that it was close to the end of the night, Mayday Parade could have kept on playing all night and I bet I would've seen couples kissing, boys proposing, and the heartbroken feeling so connected and maybe even inspired.

And now, the cherry on top of it all. Before I introduce the last band, I want to add a personal note. Years ago when I went to Warped Tour, I would usually be burnt out by this point, actually, I would've been finished and wiped out by the time New Found glory finished but this band has been one of my favorites since I bought their first album at the Circuit City on 80th St. and Broadway (Yes, I have a vivid memory for this album) in 2003. Now the only thing to keep me going on this night was that I was going to see one of my favorite bands. Ladies and gentlemen, Taking Back Sunday... the original line-up! It's only been about a year since I last saw TBS at the Bamboozle festival where they played Tell All Your Friends from beginning to end for the first time. In any case, I had to make my way to the front, this was Taking Back Sunday playing in their hometown of Long Island. I made it to within one person of the barricade. For the next 30 minutes, it was all TBS. Although the band has gone through line-up changes, I was glad the original line-up performed songs from their first album, their new album, and the other albums recorded with different members. As frontman, Adam Lazzara sang "I got the mic and you got the mosh pit", it was those words I always wanted to sing at a Taking Back Sunday concert when I first heard the album a decade ago, and yet even now I still sing those lyrics because of how fond I am of that album having a lasting memory for me. What can a Taking Back Sunday show be without Adam swinging the microphone around and hanging from atop the stage sporting his southern-like leg-shaking dance moves. Sure, the band members might be a little older, some of the songs I've heard hundreds of times, but this is the original line-up that created a masterpiece with their first album. And here in front of hundreds of fans they played loud, they played with great synergy, and I do not see one thing Taking Back Sunday should change. Guitarist and back-up singer, John Nolan complemented the singing of Lazzara very well and played songs from the albums he did not record on almost as if he did record on them. Bassist Shaun Cooper's fast fingers are similar to that of former bassist Matt Rubano. Guitarist Eddie Reyes, easily "rocks the house". Drummer, Mark O'Connell makes it seem like the drum heads will break any minute as he pounds away. If I have found a big peace in my life it is because this piece was missing. Taking Back Sunday's original line-up played up to an "A" performance if there was a grading system. I could not have thought out a better way to end what began with what I would consider a "vintage" band and yet it ended with another similar one.
(Side-note: I am still waiting for the day that Warped Tour moves back to the grassy and very large ground that Randalls Island offered. Personally, I'm very cautious when I have gone to Warped Tour in Long Island because of the hard pavement. Also, did I mention I can walk to Randalls Island!)

It only gets harder from here, are you up for it?

Now before I answer the subject title above, I really have to mention that life has really been such a gift. In the best way possible, I was given a "Yes" when I was given life. Heck, let's go even deeper than that, I will go as far as to say I was given a "Yes" to life even before my parents met... wait let me think about that one, maybe you'd like to think about that with me... ok, yes, I was totally given a "Yes" to life even before my parents met. How about further back than that, like let's say when my Mother was a teenager. Yup, even back then, a "Yes" to life for me. From who you may ask. I'm not going to get all technical and scientific or even spiritual but let's just say for the sake of this context, and I am actually also asking you that moving forward to really hold within the awe there is in knowing that somewhere in the universe, somewhere deep outside of the Earth, there exists this force that creates all, it manifests our very being and the very being of everything and anything, it has the power to be everywhere and anywhere, it moves so fast, it cannot be caught so to say, but well just go ahead and look, read. Look and read in a spiritual book, in the Bible, in science books, ask those in those fields, of this thing and ask them if it exists, if it manifests and creates, this thing is called energy. Yes, energy is that unrelenting, powerful, beaming light of life, of creation, of all. Energy, everything has some of it. In some things, it can be measured, but overall, it's so fast, it cannot be stopped or destroyed, heck, it doesn't even destroy, it just creates. Energy is what gave the "Yes" to the creation of my life, to the creation of the worlds, galaxies, and all that exists within them and outside of them. Yes, energy, and you are it too! So with that being said, let's keep this ball rolling, shall we?
So as I begin working much more closely and intensely with my passion (Nonviolent Communication) well I can't move on without being asked and also asking myself, am I up for the hard work that's up ahead? The only honest and sincere answer I can come up with is YES! I mean it's a no-brainer for me. Can I say Yes to everything? Of course I can, will I is another question. Our capabilities, what we are capable of is not always what we will actually do! Look the point is simple and clear, should you have an inclination, a hunch, a calling for something you're really fucking passionate about, why in the hell would you say Yes to so much other shit that has nothing to do with what you are really meant to say Yes to? At what cost are you saying "Yes"? How much of yourself and your heart and passion are lost with the Yes-es in your life? Most likely, you already have an idea. An idea of what it's costed you to say Yes to the stuff that you don't need or want and also an idea of what can happen from saying Yes to your dreams, your goals, your future, your present moment. Accept this moment for what it is but remember to always seeing it better than it is, only then will you know where to set your Yes-es to.

With Love,

Antonio Espinoza

Mayday Mayday!

Indeed, I am listening to Mayday Parade's newest album right now (one of their best albums) as I finish off my vacation in Western Massachusetts. However, the title of this blog is also tied to the story and concept I am about to present. Earlier today, as I was blueberry picking with my friend, we came to the story about my relationship. Funny enough, this came up because she was asking me "So, do you have another story to share when you're talking about how Nonviolent Communication has given you an awareness of what's going on for you?" this question coming after I shared a story of how my Mother was the first person to really ask me about my feelings (shortly after the 9/11 catastrophe). I had to stop, however, and think about the question summoned to me today. "Was there another time I became aware of how Nonviolent Communication has given me an awareness of my feelings and needs?" I thought. I took a deep breath.
I began with a concept my mentor shared at one of our workshops. It goes something along these lines 'If you have fun and get support with your partner when you're outside with him or her in the garden but you really don't have fun when you both are in the kitchen, don't ask your partner for support in the kitchen. Be aware of where your level of fun and support are met for you and obviously the kitchen is not one of those places". When introduced with this concept I thought "There it is, there's the answer to so many things! Duh!" Ok so how does this relate to my past relationship? Well it actually relates to all of my relationships. I will explain the whole romantic relationship part later though once you get the idea, hopefully.
My close friend of 10+ years and I have a lot of fun, at least the fun that I'm looking for and wanting, I can enjoy with my friend. We play video games, basketball, we bike together, Ok don't get the wrong idea, we're just friends, just know that we're best of buds because we have a shared-reality in many things. In short, I really enjoy having fun with my friend because of the ease, understanding, and trust I share with him. Here is where the concept my teacher presented comes in, ready? So, I really enjoy the level of fun I have with my friend when we play basketball. It's just that simple. If I wanna play basketball and have fun, well one way I can do that is just call my friend and ask him if he wants to play. Now, my friend has shared that he's probably not the best cook nor is he the best person to ask to go food shopping for one. Ok, Antonio is out of the picture, here in comes this thing called common sense, Hi, nice to meet you. Lets see, so you enjoy playing basketball with your friend because you have fun but now you would really enjoy having someone help you cook...hmm... ok who is the first person right off this piece of writing you know NOT to ask? Hmm tough one. Oh wait your friend said he's not too good at cooking, your friend! Don't ask your friend! Alright, I'm back (kicked common sense out of here cause I have control when writing). So, I probably wouldn't ask my friend to help me cook. He's stated it's not the thing he really feels comfortable doing and so I already know to probably not bring him into the picture. Look, I'm not saying don't try things, but if you're anything like me and don't like miscommunication or conflict happening too often in life then keep it simple. I'm not saying don't trust your friends with other things in life that they may not be the too good at but unless you're up for teaching them something you want them to be good at, your friendship will be more like a student and teacher context. Personally, I enjoy keeping my friendship as a friendship. What I am saying, is choose those qualities you enjoy the best of your friend, those things they rock at and you enjoy as well.
"Regrets, I've had a few but then again too few to mention" is what Frankie blue eyes sings and is maybe easier said than done when you ask many people. Do I regret not selecting the qualities I enjoy the best from friends and partner in the past? Sure. I wish I had the tools I have now to make life more awesome back then as it is now. But it is because of what I know now and the ability to live by what I know that makes life so wonderful and allows me to regret so little. So, I ask you? How would your life and the life of those you really care about and love be if you focused on those things that they do well? I'm not saying asking your uncle to do that burp trick over and over again just because he can beat anyone you bring over to the house and even though you ask him to do it you don't really like it at all but then again you think "how else am I going to introduce my uncle who is shy and doesn't do anything but burp and think it's funny?" Again, this is about selection. Were you to focus and notice the care your uncle has with children and how warmhearted you feel because your need for care and peace are met when you see this then hey, well, hold on lets stop right here. Deep breath in... and out. You're feeling warmhearted because your need for care and peace are met when you see this from uncle, hmm, makes me feel very happy to hear this from you, oh wait this is just an example, ok so, wonderful. Feeling: warmhearted Needs: Care, Peace. Time to think outside the box, but before that lets jump in the box so we know how to get out of it. In the box you have your uncle doing his burp trick and this may meet your need for fun, laughter, and connection yet you feel embarrassed and maybe even self-conscious. We haven't left the box yet because this is how we're thinking "Oh the only way to introduce my uncle and hopefully create a connection between my uncle and whoever I bring over to the house is to have him do the burp trick". OUT OF THE BOX, here we go. Now you know that you enjoy Peace and Care especially when you see your uncle meeting those needs for you. Well then you just had a breakthrough! Celebrate!!! YAY! How do you keep on celebrating and feeling pretty good? Well, let's see, how many other ways can you experience Peace and Care? My mentor teaches that there are 10,000 ways to meet a need, so in this case, we found one way: seeing your uncle work with children. 9,999 ways to go. But wait, you wanted Peace and Care in this context, with your uncle. Ok so another example of possibly trying to experience Peace and Care with your uncle: tell your uncle you would like to introduce him to your friends and guests you bring over to the house with a card trick that he may be able to show them. 9,998 ways to go. I hope you get the idea. So there you have it, go have some more love with your family. In all seriousness, I have found this concept to not only work but as well give me what I had been looking for with my family: connection. I am going to stop writing now. It's getting late and I would like some rest. Read on. I will continue this soooooon. Until then, get familiar with the concept :)

I'm pulling my hair... and it just won't come off

Ok, not really but if I tried pulling my hair out, I really doubt that much, if any, would come off and the reason I wish to explain to you. It is now almost exactly one year to date since I left for paradise, Maui, Hawaii. The weeks leading up to my departure were basically spent sharing some quality time with friends and family. Sharing with them all how awesome it was that my dream was coming true but yet how I still felt confused and anxious because I wanted to make sure to only take with me a small amount of things I actually needed. I had one interesting conversation with a co-worker at Whole Foods while I was trying to find that one shampoo and conditioner to take with me to Hawaii, the one that had that wonderful "shine" quality, the one that was "all-natural", the one that would basically fix my fucked up hair. As we looked for the "right" one and read the information as to what kind of hair it treats and such, she looked at me and said "You know have you ever tried the 'no-poo' thing?" I wasn't sure if she was jesting about having a dog lick my hair or if she was talking about something I had heard before. She pointed out that she loved another co-worker's hair and was surprised to hear that she as used the 'no-poo' system for years; I was sold especially because I also noticed that other co-worker's hair and yeah, it was always shinning and looked amazing. I left that night straight to my computer for more information.

As I looked up the facts about 'no-poo' I was really excited to read that what I had been looking for for years might have actually have been in my kitchen for years! I mean realistically, when the hell am I going to use, let alone buy Baking Soda for something other than putting it in the fridge for odor control and forgetting about until 3 years later when you forget why you bought it in the first place and think "What the hell do I use this for?" and toss it out. Then I was really miffed at the other ingredient in 'no-poo', Apple Cider Vinegar? Really? It stinks! Or so I thought. (During my time in Hawaii I probably never used as much Apple Cider Vinegar, in my food, my drinks, and even on plants, as I did while I was there.) If I could count the times I have ever seen or tasted Apple Cider Vinegar in my food, I wouldn't be counting past 0. Alright, so I admit, I sure as hell was unhappy with the kitchen ingredients 'no-poo' recommended I put in my hair but as with so many other things, I gave it a shot, hoping it would give me the results I was looking for. And low and behold, the results are in, drum roll please... but before I tell you how this has faired out for me, I want to put you through the same thing I went through: the learning process. It's quick, I promise.

Baking Soda: As mentioned in Black Girl Long Hair (http://blackgirllonghair.com/2012/02/is-baking-soda-too-harsh-for-hair/2/) Baking Soda is a natural product. It comes from the earth and is in it's raw form. As well, Baking Soda is an alkaline, the weakest one of all alkalines. This means that unlike chemical-ridden shampoos, it has no power to ruin your hair. In fact what shampoos do with their strange and almost hard to pronounce chemicals is strip your hair of natural oils. Shampoos take out of your hair what it really needs leaving you to think that in order for you to keep up with whatever "shine" you think your hair is getting from this shampoo you must keep buying it. Well, there you have it, one part of of this 'no-poo' system and all you need is a .99 cent Arm & Hammer Baking Soda box and your expensive shampoo bill is no more. How much to use? Simple, for every time you wash your hair use only one tablespoon of Baking Soda in one cup of water. Shake it around and use it just as you would pour shampoo and massage it on your head. Got it? Good, now let's go onto the conditioner.

Apple Cider Vinegar: Once again, Black Girl Long Hair in this blog (http://blackgirllonghair.com/2012/01/6-ways-to-use-apple-cider-vinegar/) explains that hair's is on the acid side "Hair is on the mildly acidic side of the pH scale and has an ideal pH of 4.5 to 5.5, which is close to that of an apple cider vinegar rinse (pH 2.9)." Let's move away from science and go into some common sense. If I were to tell you that I want you to turn on a helicopter, you would have to follow directions. Ok, so here they are: you have a cable in your hand that has a negative sign, in order to turn on the helicopter you need to touch the ignition with the cable but there are two signs on the ignition negative (-) and positive (+). If I told you to only use negative on negative, your common sense would follow. Now, if on the other hand, matching signs up is not your thing then you're not going to be able to turn on the helicopter. Essentially this is what has happened to many people's hair, as Black Girl Long Hair states"...many of the hair care products we use, such as soap-based shampoos, bleaches, hair colors, and permanents are strongly alkaline." Many people keep doing the same thing or in this case buying the same thing over and over again, hoping for a different result, it's insanity. Does it stink? Does hair smell with Apple Cider Vinegar in it? Nope, not at all. I've met others who use the same system and you cannot smell a thing. If you do want it smell, smell pleasant that is, just add a few drops of your favorite essential oil and boom, you now have your own self-made conditioner, congratulations! (All royalties from your sales will first be collected by me before you get anything. Just kidding). Before you go out and buy it, here is the amount you will want to use: per hair wash, use one tablespoon of Apple Cider Vinegar in one cup of water. Shake it up and just as the Baking Soda, use it as you would pour conditioner and massage it around your hair. And that's it!

Here is the part where I get to tell you how this has worked for me, so, drum roll please... one year later and my hair has never been complemented as much as it has been this past year, it has never shined as it does, it's able to be combed in the direction I have wanted for so long, I can go a little longer without getting a hair cut because I enjoy the way it comes down more rather than grow upwards, and the best part is that I feel so happy and relieved that I have found the solution to my strange hair. Now, I love my hair! I don't wear hats, I don't have to gel it, I don't have to ask around for suggestions on what to use, nope, now everyone's asking me and guess what? I've been able to switch family members, friends, and even people I meet on the streets to this system. Most recently, my younger sister decided to make the switch because she was confused and also tired of trying to find the "right" shampoo and conditioner for her hair. A month and a half later, her hair looks so different than before, it's hair that she loves (and loves showing off), and it's shinning all by itself. Now, don't get me wrong, there will be a period of getting used to it, not only for you but for your hair. You may want to give up early because your hair will be more "greasy" or oily but this is just part of getting back in balance. So, try it, I can't change your hair preferences but I can sure tell you that I've seen changes not only in my hair but in others and the changes are bright!



With love,




Antonio

When in doubt choose the iron, not the putter

I started the morning in standard fashion: 3 mile jog at the track. It was raining and there really wasn't anyone else jogging. For me at this point in a scenario like this all I can think about is "Awesome, more room for me to jog". In all seriousness though, I began evaluating the difference between the jog that I was doing and the jog that I also may not have done because it was raining. The only reason I go out and keep pushing myself beyond limiting beliefs is because that one limiting belief, whether it's "Oh, I'm not going out and jogging in the rain. It's already challenging enough to jog let along jog in the rain" or "I'll just go tomorrow, the weather will be better" are very damaging to what else I limit myself with. God forbid I meet the right woman and I say something like "Oh today is just not the day to really ask her out, maybe tomorrow" or I just keep compounding my limiting beliefs with my career, "This is too hard. I'm switching careers and finding something better and easier." Simply put: If not now, when? And so, I share this story of choosing the iron, not the putter.
I spent some time this past weekend at my mentor's property. I helped out with some projects around the newly formed gardens and enjoyed learning with him. My mentor lives one of those lives where he gets to do what he loves doing but it's the lessons that he has not only learned but applied that has made him so good at what he does. Growing up, it wasn't always easy for me to get money or toys, computers, or the latest craze for teens at the time. I was able to get incredible love from my mom, a college degree, and I'm able to live my dream every single day! And although I can get money more easily now along with those new trendy things, I have to remember to keep choosing the iron instead of putter.
My mentor shared his story of when he was playing a round of golf. There it was, the hole was a few feet away, his ball was on the rough, playable enough to hit with the iron and then the putter... also playable enough to get it in with the iron. He realized that as he was going to hit the ball, he was telling himself that there was more than one way to get the ball in the hole. So he changed what he was telling himself, he left the putter behind and went with the iron. Needless to say, he made it on with the iron, and only the iron. So what's the point of this story? Well, in life what story are you telling yourself? Would you rather take the challenging journey to your goal or the easier path? Which one do you already know from previous experience will give you a lesson in life? Which one is going to ask you to grow and think bigger, reach for more within yourself, and share your success? It's easy for some people to get what they want in life, sure money can help out with more than a few things, but is money what you're really in this world for? Is there more to learn out of your challenges than just the reward, especially if it's material rewards? I challenge you to dig deeper, to keep raising the bar, not in everything, but in those areas, or maybe just that one area you know you can be outstanding at, that part of your life that if you don't settle into, the rest of your life is going to suffer from. Keep strong, smile big, and love yourself endlessly!